Perfect Soldiers And Vodka Don't Mix
by Silver Sailor Neptune
Summary: What would happen if the G-boys take heero to a bar to 'relax' after a mission?
1. Default Chapter

"Come on Hee-chan it'll be fun!" Duo whined. "Wufei and Trowa are going, and even Quatre's comin'."  
  
"Duo, going to a bar is insignificant and interferes with the mission." Heero monotoned.  
  
They were currently in one of Quatres' safehouses/mansion(, recouperating after a major mission. Duo was sprawled on Heeros' bed watching Heero type the last missions log. Well, not actually watching more like talking about a mile a minute about things which Heero was currently ignoring, trying to concentrate on the task at hand. It wasn't working.  
  
~Does he ever quit?~Heero thought.~Stupid question.~  
  
".of course we need this, it's a perfect way to relax after a mission. Come on you need a break..." Duo continued.  
  
Suddenly there was silence. Curious, Heero glanced at Duo to see what could have possibly stopped 'Motor Mouth' from completing a sentence. He was looking at Heero with an odd expression halfway between facination and suspended mirth.  
  
"You've never gotten drunk have you?" he asked.  
  
"Of course I have." he replied trying to sound indifferent. He failed miserably.  
  
"Oh this is priceless! The Perfect Soldier has never in his life tasted alchohol!" By now he had fallen to the floor with a thud rolling around holding his sides. Even the patented Yuy Death Glare( could not stop the braided pilot from laughing. There was a knock on the door and Quatre entered.  
  
"What's the noise about you guys?" he queried.  
  
"Heero has mmph mph mmmph." Duo tried telling Quatre but a hand, courtesy of Heero, clamped firmly on his mouth.  
  
"He was so shocked when I said I would join you at a bar that he fell of the bed." Heero explained lamely. Quatre knew it wasn't what Duo had tried to tell him but dismissed it in the excitement.  
  
~Heero's gonna come!~Quatre thought happily.  
  
"Great! I came to tell Duo we were ready to go, but now that you're going we better get going. WuFei opted to leave without you Duo." Quatre said hurrying out the door.  
  
"Yay! Heero's gonna get dru-unk. Heero's gonna get dru-unk. Heero's gonna get dru-unk!"Duo danced about the room singing that annoying song until his nose met the end of heeros' gun.  
  
"I will NOT get drunk and I expect you to keep your mouth shut about you- know-what." expressing the last three words with a light rap on the nose. Then he put his gun somewhere deep in Spandex Space and walked calmly out the door. Duo gulped, hesitated a second, and ran out the door telling Heero he'd teach him how to play Shooters. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


	2. What's yer Poison?

~At the bar~  
  
"Aw man, this place is awesome Q-man!"Exclaimed an overly hyper Duo." This is one of the most expensive bars on L3 *Stops to whistle at the chicks in bunny suits currently serving them.* I can't believe you got us in here."  
  
"It was really nothing." he replied blushing and grabbing the hand Trowa offered. Wufei muttered something about publicly shown affection is 'injustice' but was quickly silenced by a one-eyed glare from the uni- banged pilot.  
  
Heero was for once uncomfortable in his surroundings. Much to Heero's relief, Duo had remained silent about his.handicap. Though this did not stop the subtle hints and teasings sent his way.  
  
Currently, he was staring at a glass full of clear liquid. It looked like an innocent glass of water. Looks can be decieving. Duo had four glasses of this 'water' and was now a confirmed dislexic with terrets syndrome. Trying to be as inconspicuos as possible he checked out what the others were doing.  
  
Quatre and Trowa were quietly carrying on a conversation. Quatre sipped slowly at his drink. He had a different and more colorful drink than Heeros'. A tall glass filled with mainly ice and a light pink liquid donning a green minature umbrella.  
  
Trowa on the otherhand had a large glass filled to the top with a murky white liquid. It also had salt rimming the glass. Trowa took a few gulps at a time, careful it seems not to drink to much at a time.  
  
Turning to Wufei he found that the Chinese pilot had dissapeared to the more comfortable (Away from Duo.) barstools. Through the din he could see a woman drinking a frothy beverage and making Wufei laugh. On closer inspection his eyesight confirmed the woman as Sally Po.  
  
Wondering what could make the pilot of Nataku laugh, he turned to contemplate the antics of a certain Braided Baka.  
  
SSN: Don't you just love Cliffhangers?! :) 


	3. Challenge

Turning back to the table he found himself confronted by a pair of slightly unfocused Violet orbs boring into his skull. Judging by the bottles littering the table he concluded that Deathscythe's pilot had eight glasses of alcohol in his system.  
  
"Hey Heero, you haven't *burp* even finished yer firsht drink." A very dazed Duo commented.(1)  
  
"Hn."  
  
"If you don't shtart drinkin' I'm gonna tell yer shecret. how would ya like that shoulder boy?" Duo swayed slightly as he spoke.  
  
Before Duo and his digressed reaction time could comprehend what had happened, Heero had downed the contents of the glass. Trying not to gag, Heero swallowed the bitter tasting beverage.  
  
~Not so bad as I thought it would be. But it's definitely not water. ~ He thought to himself.  
  
"That's more like it!" Duo yelled, slapping Heero's back. " Hey babe, bring some more on over." He whistled to a bunny that, minutes later appeared carrying a tray topped with eight bottles of the liquid he had just downed.  
  
~Oh great, what has that baka gotten me into? ~ He thought to himself all the while his perfect soldier mask never slipped.  
  
"Now Heero, I know you think drinkin's a waste of time but it's a great way to relax. I got an idea that might brighten your mood a little. How's about we have a contest: Whoever can down the mosht alcohol without passin' out gets to be on top tonight." Duo's eyes gleamed in an anticipating manner." Just think of it as a mission to beat me.  
  
"Hn. Ninmu Ryukai."(2)  
  
I know it's a little corny but I added some extra letters to make Duo sound drunk. Ninmu Ryukai means Mission Accepted. Such a Heeroish thing to say ne?  
  
SSN: Oh and on a lighter side for those who don't like 5xS I never did say that it would be. maybe it's a 1x2x5. Dun Dun Dun! I'm thinkin' the last chapter of this fic will be a lemon. You can thank my bestest friend in all the universes Chimeradragon for that!  
  
(Huggles Chi-chan) she's such a nice friend! (Secretly reaches behind back and tugs her braid.)  
  
Chi-chan: Omae o korosu.  
  
SSN: Aw come on Chi-chan, I know you'd never do that!  
  
Chi-chan: Fine then no more borrowing my GW videos.  
  
SSN: Oh the Horror!!! I'll be good!  
  
SSN: Thanks for all the reviews! This is my first fic! 


	4. Enter Wuffie

"Ninmu Ryukai." With an added YuyDeath Glare for good mesure he downed the rest of the glass.  
  
"Good Boy!" Duo's complxion suddenly brightened and heero could tell he would be in for a long hall.  
  
Duo put the tray aside and pulled two bottles off. Giving a bottle to Heero, he got a clena glass and placed it in front of himself, filling it to the brim. He motioned for Heero to do the same. The other pilot studied him for a moment before complying.  
  
~This is going to be great! ~ Duo thought, among other things.(Gee I wonder what he's thinkin'!)  
  
Just as he was about to explain the rules, he heard a familiar voice beside him.  
  
"What injustice are you indulging in now Maxwell?"  
  
Turning, Duo saw a pair of smoky onyx eyes peering at him with distaste. Suddenly he had the idea of the century.  
  
~Why not get Wufei to join? ~  
  
Turning to 'Wuffie' he replied with a voice as indifferent as possible.  
  
"Something that is definitely outta your Onna hating league Wuffie"Duo replied snidely.  
  
"It's WUFEI! W-U-F-E-I! Get it right! And nothing is out of my league you uncomprehending fool of a man! I can take anything you throw at me!"  
  
"Well fine but don't say I didn't warn ya." Duo 'pouted'. Heero was watching the scene-taking place with rapt attention, all the while wondering the number one most mindboggling question: What was Duo thinking?  
  
~Threesome! Threesome! Threesome! ~ Duo silently cheered, looking from one bishonen to the other in rowdy anticipation. Wufei sank into a chair he had pulled up.  
  
"Okay baka, hurry up with the game waiting bores me." Wufei commented.  
  
"Okay! Lets get this little shindig started! Now the rules are simple. First.  
  
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SSN: Okay I guess I'll end it here! Oh I am so cruel!!! Oh and by the way I dedicate this chapter to Olivia. At first, yes this was going to be a 5xS but I got to thinkin' that I really don't like sally as more than Wufei's friend so you all can thank Olivia for pointing out a grave mistake.Thanks! 


	5. Analysis Of The Drunken Trio

One hour and ten bottles of shots later.  
  
(Remember they are three fifteen-year-olds trying to 'relax'. Let's see, um that's about three and one third bottles each. Surprisingly they can still do math!()  
  
Situations are as follows:  
  
Duo: As resilient as ever, still making corny jokes as usual while trying to act drunker (Is that a word?) than he already is.  
  
Wufei: Being an ass about 'onnas' and adding his given blood alcohol level, well that has definitely got to mess with your ego. Not taking it down bringing it up to Vegeta's level.  
  
Heero: As anti-social as ever, concentrating on the 'mission'. Regular shots don't seem to affect him so I'm wondering (Or rather Duo's wondering) what he would do with a little vodka on the brain!  
  
End Analysis  
  
SSN: Okay dudes this is my first fic and I know that the chapters are short but that's why I tried to update every day. I can't take the reviews going and complaining about cliffhangers and short chapters. It's giving me incredible writers block so LAY OFF!!!  
  
I shall continue writing short chapters so play nice or I'll send my incredibly psychotic evil half on you. No relation to Lady/Colonel Une.  
  
Delindau: Ha Ha! I am Delindau daughter of the great Dilandau! Don't try to piss me off or I'll tell my half to stop writing this fic! MUHWAAA! 


End file.
